Stepgrandmother plans entirely pink birthday party for pink-hating 5-year-old, protests when her mom refuses to let her attend: 'She told me I'm raising her to be a spoilt brat'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 29, 2025 4:00 PM EST

The whole point of having a birthday is to celebrate that you are another year older. Supposedly, this should mean that it is a day that is all about you and your wants and preferences, but there are plenty of people out there who seem to enjoy nothing more than making other people's birthdays about themselves. 

This can happen to people of any age, but it can be particularly prevalent in children. No matter what birthday plans they might want they are always going to be at the mercy of the adults who are controlling the celebrations. There are certain individuals who will take any opportunity to push their specific likes and preferences on those who are younger and more impressionable, even with relatively innocuous things. A birthday party offers the perfect opportunity to do this, especially when it hinges on a specific kind of theme that can send a message.

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    Prince groin
    via Jorge Ibanez

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is something that one mom struggled with after her stepmom made a bold move on behalf of her 5-year-old daughter. Several months after her actual birthday, the step-grandma had organized a birthday party for her that was entirely decorated in the color pink. The problem was that the girl hated the color, which Grandma had been told repeatedly by her mom. 

    The culmination of repeated attempts to make the child like pink, her parents put their foot down and refused to attend the surprise party. This caused some backlash, leaving the mom to wonder if she had gone too far.

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    AITA for refusing to take my daughter to 'her' birthday party?

    My (33F) daughter "Cleo" (5yo) hates pink. She has disliked the color and almost everything to do with it since she was about three or so. She has one pink shirt she likes and one pink stuffed animal, and that's it. My father's partner, "Prue," refuses to accept that Cleo doesn't like pink. Over the years, she's made several attempts to push the color onto her (pretty much every gift she's ever given her was some shade of pink), no matter how many times I tell her to stop. She has tried to give
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    About a week ago, my father invited me, my husband and our children for dinner at his place. He said he and Prue had a surprise for the kids. Right before we left home, my younger sister (who still lives with our father) texted me. She warned me that the "surprise" was actually a small birthday party Prue had planned for Cleo. That alone threw me off, because my daughter's birthday was in November. My father did miss her actual birthday party due to work, but still. Also, my son turns 9 in March
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    Then she sent me photos of how the place was decorated, and it very clearly wasn't actually meant for Cleo. Literally every piece of decor was pink. The table, the tableware, the balloons, everything. She had gotten pink banners and glued pink foil fringe curtains on the doors. Even the cake was pink. I showed everything to my husband, and we agreed not to take the kids there. I texted my father the following: "Hey, (sister) told me everything. We're not coming. We're taking the kids to McDonald
    via DaughterPartyThrow
  • 05
    We did exactly that. My father did show up (without Prue), but he was cold with us and left 20 minutes after arriving. Both him and Prue are pred. My father is angry that my husband and I dismissed his partner's "heartfelt gesture" towards our daughter. Prue also told me that I'm the reason Cleo is "restrictive" (I also don't like pink), and I'm raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is unwilling to compromise.
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    To be honest, I get how I could be in the wrong here. But at the same time, this just felt like Prue trying to push something Cleo doesn't like onto her yet again. My sister and one of my brothers are on my side (though my sister did say I had been r de). My other brother is on the fence. AITA? EDIT: My daughter doesn't know I dislike pink, nor would I care if she did like it.
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    People thought that the mom had done the right thing.

    hadMcDofordinner NTA You handled it well, and avoided the worst. You were not r de so much as clear that you would not let Prue manipulate you/your daughter. Your father is the weakest link here. He should be reeling in Prue's pink obsession, not encouraging it. Tell your father and Prue that there are things more important than the color pink in this world and that if they cannot stop giving pink to your daughter, then they should stop giving, period.
    via hadMcDofordinner
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    DaughterPartyThrow OP My father never understood I didn't like pink, either. In his case, I think it was more of a memory thing. He had the habit of getting me the same essentials as my sister, who did like pink.
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    tinyd71 I'm not sure that Prue's efforts were "a heartfelt gesture"! Her insistence on pink seems to be more about Prue than about Cleo. Does Prue have children of her own? I would think that most people who've had some exposure to children know that they go through phases of liking, loving, or disliking things, and that you can't really force things on them if they don't like them. Your father and Prue really aren't hearing you/Cleo. The party wasn't for Cleo, so not attending doesn't seem any
    via tinyd71
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    DaughterPartyThrow OP Prue doesn't have kids. She does have some experience with children, but mostly through mine and her friends'. She has never babysat my kids, and I don't know whether she's ever been responsible for any other children.
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    SolmaRedditUserNow Your story is bizarre. It is unclear to me why anyone would be pressing a color on another person. Prue seems rather unhinged. And to have a birthday party 2 months after an actual birthday is... weird. Has anyone ever asked her why this is something she is utterly insistent upon? Does Prue have any of her own kids or grandkids? Anyway, you're not an a hole for not going I suppose. You are kind of an a_h_le for throwing your sister under the bus, but then I can't imagine that
    via SolmaRedditUserNow
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    sharkwho69 Unless I'm reading this wrong, I imagine it's Prue trying to push a particular version of what it means to be and act like a girl. It seems very much like an older woman trying to dictate the feminine and enforce a gender standard. OP is doing an excellent job protecting her child from this.
    via sharkwho69
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    pottersquash NTA. I'm raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is unwilling to compromise. When that comes from an AH like Prue, you get 75 additional Parenting Points to spend. You saved your kid from what would've been a traumatic experience at worst, a demoralizing experience where they have to bite their tongue, walk on egg shells the entire time to remain civil at best. Which is not a lesson a 5 year old needs from grandpa's house.
    via pottersquash
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    eregyrn Yeah, I love how that phrase applies far more to Prue herself. I mean, who's the one unwilling to compromise here?
    via eregyrn
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    Large Effective_812 NTA, but your family sure are, I am now 50 always hated pink and I was a tomboy and I hated dresses. I had an Aunt like your Dad's wife. I hated her she said the same cr p Prue says and she never respected my feelings so as I grew older I never respected hers. I still don't wear pink and I have ripped my Aunt a new one every time she brings it up. Your daughter is allowed not to like something and your sister says you were r de at what point do you not if your daughter's want
    via Large_Effective_812
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    DaughterPartyThrow OP And Cleo is not even a tomboy! I'd say she's pretty balanced in terms of tastes. She loves ballet and princesses just as much as she loves robots and cars. She just so happens to hate pink.
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    oliviamrow NTA. Your dad's wife picked a really weird hill to di on. Why is she so invested in your kid liking pink? She's five, she has an entire lifetime to change her mind if she someday decides to-- but she's certainly less likely to now that she associates the color with grandpa's wife trying to force it on her. Your father is angry at the wrong person. If Prue's gesture were heartfelt for Cleo she wouldn't have insisted on making everything a color she knows Cleo doesn't like. That's not h
    via oliviamrow
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    Where WeretheAdults NTA. What Prue is doing is what we call projecting. Look at her response. "You are raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is willing to compromise." Now look at Prue's actions. She is acting like a brat who is unwilling to compromise. Hold firm in your boundaries. You are teaching your child that her likes and wants are important and that she shouldn't give them up to "keep the peace." Thank you.
    via WhereWeretheAdults
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    Dschingis Khaaaaan NTA - You did the right thing. Also buy your sister some flowers or chocolates or something, she's a hero for tipping you off. What Prue did isn't a heartfelt gesture, it's emotional manipulation. She's doing it for herself to show everyone how special she is and have things her way. Prue is out of her GD mind to call you the spoiled one, that label falls squarely on her. This is a hill to di on. If it were me then your dad and Prue would be on timeout from seeing Clara until
    via Dschingis_Khaaaaan
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    They have crossed the line and violated your rights as parents and your trust. They need to earn it back if they want to be in your granddaughters life.
    via Dschingis_Khaaaaan
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    Different Guess_5407 NTA - why the h I would anyone keep "pushing" the colour pink after being told time and time again that the child hates the colour. Totally don't blame you for not taking the kids - and well done to sister for giving you the heads up. "I'm raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is unwilling to compromise." You could say that Prue is acting like an ungrateful spoiled brat for being unwilling to compromise.
    via Different_Guess_5407
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    VGA235 Am I reading this right? They wasted all that money on a fake a party because a little girl doesn't like the color pink??? Also she's only five, she may like the color when she's older, could your father and his partner not comprehend that? Honestly Prue sounds weird af I wouldn't leave her alone with your kids. She sounds like the kind of person that would see a kid as a pet or a doll to dress up. NTA but maybe talk to your dad and ask why prue is so focused on the color pink. I mean it
    via VGA235
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    Amberfrostt You were right to protect your daughter from a situation that would have likely been upsetting and uncomfortable for her. It's one thing to try to introduce your child to new things, but it's another thing to completely disregard their likes and dislikes, especially when it comes to something as personal as color preference.
    via Amberfrostt
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    Wasting AnotherHour I'm raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is unwilling to compromise. So... you're raising her to be just like Prue? She should be so flattered. NTA, but make sure you're supportive of your sister. I'm sure she's in some version of trouble too right now for warning you.
    via WastingAnotherHour
  • 25
    tawnie6879 I'm one of those people who is obsessed with the color pink. Most of what I have is pink or has some connection to it. I do love other colors, but I mainly love pink. HOWEVER, that's MY obsession. I understand that not everyone likes pink. My best friend is the opposite of colors compared to me. She prefers black or basic colors without a lot of vibrant colors. Do I tease her? Yes. I also respect her choices. She teases me about my pink obsession but will still go out of her way to bu
    via tawnie6879

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